CRAVINGS

It must be the heat , but I am having strange cravings for childhood foods.
The first is Heinz salad spread , its like a cross between tartar sauce and salad cream , full of undefinable crunchy bits and is tangy and luscious spread on a nice thick slice of well buttered bread.




Toast Toppers are a real delight a delicious mix of processed cheese and ham with a gloopy cat sick kind of consistency that sticks to the roof of you mouth in a molten mass if your too greedy to wait a few minutes when it comes out from under the grill - a real treat





Mmmmmm Bloater* paste
The evocative name just says it all. A pox on your fancy taramasalata , spread a bit of bloater paste on your bread in all its fishy loveliness and you will never look back

* for the uninitiated and the plain stupid a bloater is a big old herring.

What are your secret cravings (We are talking food Miss MJ you minx!)

SLACKERS

The Beast has had his nose to the grindstone the last few weeks .



In his absence what have you been doing

Eh ?

Eh?

Slacking that's what

Lazing around , picking your noses , scratching your nether regions and pigging out on fat and sugar drenched comestibles dragging yourself up occasionally to half heartedly post or comment.



Its a disgrace.

You have let everyone down

Worst of all let yourselves down

and ruined every ones day

***wags finger at lazy assed bloggers***



I shall be back later in my five minutes spare time to post and comment
You better have had a good think about your behaviour by then or there will be trouble
DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE !
****BEAST SNARLS MENACINGLY****

PECULIAR ERECTIONS

The Beast has been busy working his fingers to the bone , and is rather upset to discover while he has been slaving away to buy fresh supplies of miracle grow that the feckless plants have siezed their chance to indulge in a frenzy of horticultural lust .

There are phallic protuberences thrusting from every bed , the sap is a' pumping and engorged stamens are a' throbbing , curb crawling bees are queueing round the block to part the lush moist petals and slip inside.

**** a fevered Beast lays down in a darkened room and wonders if he needs a long holiday****

BUSY

Stalking the corridors of International Finance by day.....

Cooking and washing pots by night.....

Blah , Blah , Cafe C , Blah , blah Blah

Yes , Yes ! You have heard it all before.

Dull but concistant , thats the Beast promise

However that's the situation , hopefully back on Sunday

SOCIAL DEATH

On Friday afternoon I was wandering down Dorchester high street en route for Cafe C , when I spotted Mr C striding towards me with a determined gait and a mad glint in his eye .
As this usually portends me being sent off to the local purveyor of fine food and wine , with an enormous list and no assistance , I was very fleet of foot and dodged into the local chemists , ducked below the level of the shelving and scuttled for safe haven.
Sadly I had been spotted and Mr C ran me to ground and cornered me in the colon health aisle.
As it turns out , this was rather unfortunate as Mr C exclaimed gleefully and VERY LOUDLY
'I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AS FINALLY THEY HAVE CLEANED OUT MY BACK PASSAGE!!!

I know what your thinking











But he was actually referring to a long running refuse collection issue








Sadly any explanation would have looked feeble to the startled old lady who choked and ejaculated her dentures into the health food aisle. I think I made a valiant effort to muster my tattered dignity and exited the store under a cloud of disapproving glares and the leaden sound of chi chi cocktail party and social event invitations being torn up !

SINGLES NITE

It's that time of the month again , yes my proud young beauties it's Cafe C Singles Nite.

Pictured left are the pick of the local 'talent' , and you have to admit they scrub up well after a hard day at the pig farm *.

Get a few 'Screaming Orgasms' down these luscious lovelies throats and the evening is sure to go with a bang!**.

*Cafe C is air conditioned for your comfort ,so you will hardly notice the smell

**I have it on good authority that those two on the left shag on a first date

BEAST's LUSH VEGETATION

Blogger is being difficult and wont let me put words in between the pictures .
Ma and Pa Beastey have been visiting and we have been decorating and gardening in between sumptuous meals .
In the pictures above there is a not very good shot of the topiary dolphin leaping through a hoop(picture 4) which Miss Scarlet was convinced I was making up , and my newest acquisition a 70's retro solar optic fibre lamp(You can see it lurking to the right of the fun house mirror n glow boob in picture 2)

Regular readers of Infomaniac may be surprised to note the absence of nekkid flabby old men lurking in the shrubbery and interfering with each other on the garden furniture.
This strange phenomena only occurs in Canada , I am reliably informed it has something to do with cheese poisoning